Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
