the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
