I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
only you would photoshop your dick
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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