I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
