Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
