Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
