Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
