when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
