So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
