Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
