I think i peed on brittanys purse
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
