Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
she peed on how many people?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
