I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
