Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
