Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
