she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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