Your face is a jimmy john
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
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