He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Randomize
