Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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