don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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