wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize