Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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