How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
