can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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