its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
