I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
