I feel like abortions should bother me more
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
