i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
