I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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