All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
