I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
