dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
