Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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