ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
