why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
