We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
