I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
