call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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