You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
that is very illegal...i love you.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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