my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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