I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
