my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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