My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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