There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
