come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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