Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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