I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize
