you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
