Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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