a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Shame is for Republicans.
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