can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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