wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize