the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
