I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
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