Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
