I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
The adults are the big ones right?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
