We named our party play list daddy issues
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
