I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
