We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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