i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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