I saw his package. It spoke to me.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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