from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
