went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i was born a porn star she said
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
