You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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