Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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