What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
