i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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