No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
