I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
