last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You're a waste of cheezeits
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
