So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
