as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
