If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
