You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
