I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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