Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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