how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
