whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize