Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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