Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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