first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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