the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
