I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
