So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
