Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
